1 00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:37,120 Hello and hello, too. 2 00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:39,680 I am Greg Davies, welcome to yet another series of Taskmaster. 3 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:42,200 We have an incredible new fivesome awaiting patiently for me 4 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:45,080 to get this series under the way. Are you ready? 5 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:47,160 CROWD: Yes! 6 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:51,600 'Please meet the five people competing to win my ginormous, gilded noddle. 7 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:54,720 They are James Acaster... 8 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:58,760 ..Jessica Knappett... 9 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:00,680 ..Kerry Godliman... 10 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:03,840 ..Phil Wang... 11 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:05,720 ..and Rhod Gilbert. 12 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:13,160 'And next to me - he looks after the fact and figures, but I have full control over his salary. 13 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:17,840 He is little, he's Alex. He's Alex Horne. He's little Alex Horne. 14 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:20,680 {\an1}CHEERS 15 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:21,840 Thank you. 16 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:25,040 Hello Greg. Hello. Thank you for having me back. 17 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:28,600 I've been very busy. Yeah? Since we've been away. 18 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:32,480 'What have you been up to? I've downloaded quite a bit of the Internet. Yep. 19 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:34,920 And I've been doing some research into you. 20 00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:37,560 You're a comedian. Correct. 21 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:39,640 You used to be a teacher. 22 00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:47,360 Over six foot. You don't have any pets, yet. Yet. 23 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:51,760 You're a Taurus. OK, on with the show. 24 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:57,800 We're going to start with the prize task, if that's all right, Greg. 25 00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:00,800 Each competitor brings in something for the prize pot. 26 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:04,360 At the end of the episode, the winner takes home all of the things. 27 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:08,440 'That's how it works. The first prize category for our fledgling competitors is... 28 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:12,000 The thing that most people would like to touch. 29 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:15,040 I'm going to start with old James, there. Hello. 30 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:18,360 What did you bring in that you think I'd like to touch? 31 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,160 MC Hammer. 32 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:28,160 He released a song... 33 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:34,280 'Called Can't Touch This. Can't Touch This. And that made a lot of people want to touch it. 34 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:38,800 'We haven't got the actual MC himself, we have a representation of the MC. 35 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,560 Yes. So there it is. 36 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,320 If you saw that on the street, you would think it was him. 37 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:46,760 Oh, God, you would. Especially if he was one-dimensional 38 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,480 and stayed absolutely perfectly still. 39 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:52,440 'Can I say, I think he is two-dimensional. It is two-dimensional, you're right. 40 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:56,480 What do you think the "this" that MC Hammer was referring to was? 41 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:58,800 A two-dimensional cardboard cut-out of himself. 42 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,960 Do you want to see what Jess has brought in? Yes. Let's move on. 43 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,760 It could complement James's quite nicely. 44 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:09,120 Gut instinct says it's not going to. 45 00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:12,240 Let's have a look. 46 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:17,960 Don't tell me you don't want to touch that! 47 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:22,160 Is the sign saying don't touch the sign, 48 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:25,080 or is it saying don't touch something else. 49 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:27,760 Because otherwise, I don't see the point in the sign. 50 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,880 I thought about this. I thought about this. 51 00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:33,120 Normally it would be next to something that you can't touch. 52 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:37,480 'But... I think that's more likely, rather than the sign having an existential crisis. 53 00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:42,360 I think I'm having an existential crisis. 54 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:47,280 'OK. So, do not touch. Makes me want to touch... No, it doesn't. Kerry, what did you bring in? 55 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,360 A Newton's cradle. 56 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:52,040 Interesting. Clicky thing. I know what they are. OK. 57 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,840 We can see a picture of the Newton's cradle. 58 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:59,120 'Also called an executive ball clicker, which is what you call me. 59 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,000 That is what they're called. 60 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:08,320 It's interesting, I've got a personal connection 61 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:09,440 with this executive toy, 62 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:11,400 because I requested one in 1981 from my mother 63 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:15,360 'and she refused to buy me one, because she thought it was pointless. 64 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:17,680 But that's the joy of it, it's pointless. 65 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:20,000 Correct. That's the joy of it, old woman. 66 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:24,560 Anyway, when I got my first job in 1990 67 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,720 I bought myself one and, tragically, 68 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:30,400 the end of the story is it was very disappointing to touch. 69 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:31,640 No. 70 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,520 I'll tell you now, it's the best one yet. 71 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:38,560 Oh, come on. Oh come on, last place. 72 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:42,040 Phil? I have gone more of a classic route. 73 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:47,200 I have got a little toy chariot with a man driving it. Absolute classic. 74 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:49,200 Here is the toy. 75 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:54,160 'There is a little switch on the side. Yes, there is a button that you'd want to touch. 76 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,720 'There's a button. If there's a button, you would want to touch that to see what happens. 77 00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:58,600 Yeah. Do you want me to show you what happens 78 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:00,560 when you touch the button? Of course I do. OK. 79 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:08,560 I bought it in Indonesia. Yeah. So it's exotic. It's... 80 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,160 I haggled for this. 81 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,600 The guy in the market said, "100,000 rupiah," 82 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:15,800 then I said, "50,000." 83 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:19,760 And he said, "100,000". And I said, "70,000," and he said, "100,000," 84 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,720 so I paid 100,000... 85 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:28,360 Rhod. Let's see the first picture, 86 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:32,040 because there's a series of pictures. It's a journey. 87 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:33,680 There's the first. 88 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:38,120 {\an1}APPLAUSE 89 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:44,240 OK, so that's you. How old are you there? About 17. About 17, yeah. 90 00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:46,720 Let's see the next picture. OK. 91 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,320 Because... Urgh! 92 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:53,160 ..I went to the trouble of knocking up a replica... 93 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:59,880 ..of your childhood teddy bear, whose name was... 94 00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:02,480 BT, Blue Ted. BT, Blue Ted. 95 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:06,600 And I know how much you enjoyed touching... 96 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:11,320 I should explain, for anyone who doesn't understand. 97 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:14,240 Yeah, please explain. When I was a teenager, 98 00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:18,960 during a particularly unfulfilling frisky period in my life, 99 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:22,000 I did have relations with a bear... 100 00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:25,920 ..that my mother had made for me. 101 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:31,480 We can see sort of the area that you were interested in. 102 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:36,880 The horrible thing is, I don't know what happened to BT. 103 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:39,960 He could still be around. I think we all know what happened to BT! 104 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,360 All right. Where do you want to start, first or last? 105 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,400 In last place. It's just a sign. 106 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,720 And I want to say this early doors, 107 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:53,680 Jess told me before the show that it's her dad's opinion 108 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:56,920 that I penalise females on this show. 109 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,520 And what's his name? Peter. 110 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:01,960 Peter, looks like it's fucking true, doesn't it? 111 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,520 In joint second to last place, with two points. 112 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,440 Two points. Each. Each, yes. 113 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:18,160 I'm going to put Kerry, because I despise women. 114 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:25,520 Joint second to last, I'm going to put it with James's MC Hammer, 115 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:27,720 because I don't want to touch MC Hammer 116 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:30,240 or a cardboard cut-out of MC Hammer. 117 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:33,320 In second place, with four points, because I cannot deny my past, 118 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:38,160 it's Rhod Gilbert. Cos wherever you are, BT, I do miss touching you. 119 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:41,080 And in first place, inexplicably, 120 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:44,920 because I don't know why I want to touch that toy, it's Phil Wang. 121 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:51,440 Good, we're off. And have you got something nice for us, Alex? 122 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:55,400 I thought it was about time for a change. OK. OK. 123 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,520 Hi, Rhod. All right, mate? You all right? 124 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,720 Is that a wig? My hat? Oh, it's a hat, is it? Fine. 125 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:18,320 Hi, Kerry. Hello, Alex. How are you? I'm all right. 126 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:20,280 Hello. Hello. 127 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:23,840 Do you like it? Is it a clue? Yes. Oh! 128 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:26,520 You ready? OK. It's just up here... 129 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:28,200 There we go. 130 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:31,520 That... Now that, that is amazing. 131 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:42,080 Yeah? Absolutely, 100%. Nice little hat. Thank you. OK, what happened? 132 00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:49,240 That was amazing. 133 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:53,080 Design and demonstrate the best quick-change outfit. 134 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:54,760 I don't know what that means. 135 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:58,720 The best and quickest quick-change outfit wins. You have one hour. 136 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,520 Your time starts now. 137 00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:04,960 Velcro is going to be a key player. OK. 138 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,640 Right, I know what I'm going to do. 139 00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,680 Let me think, can I have a few minutes to think? 140 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:10,880 Poncho... Fwap... Fwap... 141 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:13,000 And then... 142 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:18,440 {\an1}APPLAUSE 143 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,280 Pwap pwap? It's Mandarin. 144 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:25,040 Pwap pwap? Pwap pwap. 145 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:28,160 Who's first? Well, we're going to see them all in real-time, 146 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,560 the quick changes. Pwap pwap! So bear that in mind. 147 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,240 They will be in real-time. 148 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,520 And first, I hope she doesn't mind me calling her this, 149 00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:36,000 it's Jessica Knappett. 150 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,880 When you're ready, Jessica. I'm ready. 151 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:45,160 Can you, like, give it some theatre, Alex? 152 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,400 Give it some welly. 153 00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:57,280 DRUM ROLL Here we go. 154 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:03,680 {\an1}CYMBAL CRASH 155 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:05,760 {\an1}CHEERING 156 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:13,280 Oh, yeah. Man, that is incredible. 157 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:15,960 We are off to an absolute cracking start. 158 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,240 The weird thing is, I did actually wear that underneath 159 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:22,160 my real wedding dress when I got married. Now, that's interesting. 160 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:27,080 Because it had not occurred to me that your first outfit was a bride. 161 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:31,400 How did you not see the veil over my face?! What did you think it was? 162 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:34,160 I just thought she was some ghostly apparition. 163 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,840 Was that real-time? It was quick, as well. The change was quick. 164 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,640 Four seconds exactly. Was that real-time? 165 00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:43,600 Butterflies take two weeks. 166 00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:48,000 Well, I'm pleased to say that it's time for 167 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:50,600 the first ad break of the series. Join us in part two 168 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:53,280 to see Kerry and Phil's quick change attempts. Bye-bye! 169 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:07,320 Hello, and welcome back to this, 170 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:11,160 first episode of the seventh ever series of Taskmaster. 171 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:14,640 They're getting changed, Alex. Well, you told them to, Greg, so, yes. 172 00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:18,080 The new cast are currently trying to demonstrate the art of quick-change. 173 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:20,800 Who's next? It's Rhod's attempt. Here we go. 174 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,120 {\an1}LAUGHTER 175 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:27,640 Alex. 176 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,440 So what I want to do... 177 00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:40,560 ..is that we're both going to go from bikini 178 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,680 to a one-piece swimming costume. 179 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,400 So one of us is going to lose our top, 180 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:47,520 and one of us is going to lose our bottoms. 181 00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:49,440 Bottoms? Yeah. 182 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:51,000 By now, you may be thinking, 183 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:53,520 it's probably going to be you that loses the bottoms, right? 184 00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:56,280 I wasn't thinking that. Well, you should start thinking that. 185 00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:59,280 Right. Yeah? 186 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:02,600 I'm going to be removing your panties. 187 00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:06,080 {\an1}THEY LAUGH 188 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:11,960 Yes, you are. So you're going to be removing my top. Yeah. 189 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,920 And what are you removing? I'll be removing your panties. 190 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:18,800 We will be calling them panties. 191 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,920 I believe that. OK. Are you ready? No. 192 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:24,720 So, this is... Wait! 193 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:26,520 We're going for the quickest change. 194 00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:28,960 So if you'd like to take my straps. 195 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,440 There should be one up there, I think, and one down the back. 196 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:33,040 I've got you. 197 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:37,640 And I've got you. After three, quick costume change. Mm-hmm. 198 00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:39,320 I'm ready. 199 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:40,600 On the count of three. 200 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:43,240 One, two, three. Go! 201 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,960 Stop the clock. How was that? 202 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,120 It felt quite quick. 203 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:53,920 Mine came straight off, yours was a bit more of a struggle. Yeah. 204 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,040 I certainly had the hard part. Done. 205 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:57,920 That's it. Wanna shake hands? No... 206 00:12:57,960 --> 00:12:59,280 No, no! 207 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:03,520 {\an1}APPLAUSE 208 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:11,440 Now, I've know you for a number of years, and I'm surprised to learn 209 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:15,160 that you refer to women's downstairs garments as panties. 210 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:19,560 Downstairs garments isn't much better. No, it isn't! 211 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:20,640 All right. 212 00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:23,800 I really enjoyed that, obviously. It's ridiculous. 213 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:28,360 I put it to you, Rhod, that is not a quick-change outfit. What, why not? 214 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,840 They used to have quick-change artists on '70s television 215 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:32,520 all the time as I remember. I realise... 216 00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:36,200 You didn't have someone who just came on and pulled their pants down. 217 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:38,680 Mr Benn would have been a lot better show if he'd done that. 218 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:45,000 It was quick, though, it was just under four seconds, 219 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,320 3.8. Jot that down, Greg. I will. 220 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:50,240 I will, and I will submit this paper to the police. 221 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:55,360 Who's next? Well, he's quick-witted, is he quick-kitted? 222 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:57,400 It's James Acaster next. 223 00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:59,160 Welcome to the kitchen. 224 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:01,840 I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. 225 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:03,400 {\an1}DRUM ROLL 226 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,000 {\an1}CYMBAL CRASH 227 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:13,880 Oh, hi. I didn't see you there. 228 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:16,800 Welcome to the kitchen. 229 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,120 I'll slip into something more comfortable. 230 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:21,840 {\an1}DRUM ROLL 231 00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:28,840 {\an1}CYMBAL CRASH 232 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:34,200 My third outfit. 233 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:35,960 Three outfits. 234 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:40,920 {\an1}APPLAUSE 235 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:45,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER 236 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:49,200 Was it a change, do you think? Yeah. Did you change? 237 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:52,640 I was starting off as a groom, and I turned into a bride. 238 00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:56,760 Just a bit of narrative to it. So, like... 239 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:02,040 ..to start off, you know, there's a guy, he's like, 240 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:03,880 "Welcome to the kitchen." Yeah. 241 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:06,080 And then a sexy lady comes out 242 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:09,120 and then a boy is born. At the end. 243 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:12,400 Is that the child of...? Yeah, I was a little boy at the end. 244 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,640 Was that really the narrative or have you just made that up? 245 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:19,080 I just had to make it up, I'm trying to get points. Yeah, yeah. 246 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:20,560 Who's next? 247 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:21,920 Next we've got Kerry Godliman, 248 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:25,200 who, weirdly, is genuinely my cousin's favourite comedian. 249 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,960 Ready, steady, go! 250 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:37,760 {\an1}CHEERING 251 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:39,560 That's it! 252 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:43,720 Now, that is what I'm talking about. 253 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:45,720 That is a quick-change outfit. 254 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:47,800 Velcro is key. It is. 255 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:52,320 I don't know what to say other than it was absolutely perfect. 256 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:54,200 Absolutely spot-on. Wow. 257 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:56,000 {\an1}CHEERING 258 00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:57,880 Thank you, thanks. 259 00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:00,240 I mean, you could have saved yourself a lot of time, 260 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:03,000 I imagine, just by wearing a bikini and pulling your bottoms off. 261 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:06,480 That's gonna take some beating. Yeah. 262 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:09,840 Well, 3.8 seconds was Rhod, that was 3.6 seconds. 263 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:12,160 So it was the quickest so far. It's tight, isn't it? 264 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:13,400 There is still Phil Wang to go. 265 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:16,520 Phil Wang, can he romp in and steal it last minute? Let's have a look. 266 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:19,760 He's got 3.6 seconds to beat. It's the one and only Phil Wang. 267 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:26,440 Hello, Alex. 268 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:29,560 So, you know when they go to the races at Ascot, 269 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:32,080 the ladies always have, like, a special outfit, 270 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,320 so we've got a little Ascot hat here. 271 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:37,000 Lovely summer dress. And stockings. 272 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:38,880 I'll start the clock... OK. 273 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:42,520 ..when you go back inside the house. And, change. 274 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:03,040 {\an1}PHIL GROANS 275 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,040 Poncho... HE CHUCKLES TO HIMSELF 276 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:12,560 15 seconds. 277 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,360 Gloves. 278 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,840 {\an1}DRUM ROLL 279 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:28,160 CYMBAL CRASH Costume two. 280 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:30,800 This is a gardening outfit. 281 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:33,160 You've got a comfy gardening skirt, 282 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:37,040 poncho, and you've got the stockings have become gardening gloves. 283 00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:38,760 Thank you, Phil. Thank you, Alex. 284 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:44,400 I thought it wasn't just quickest, it was also best. 285 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:47,400 Oh, it was the dictionary definition of fwap fwap. 286 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:53,440 What I was going for was the biggest possible change in costume. 287 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:54,960 Geographically speaking. 288 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:59,400 So you had from Ascot races, to, like, a Mexican poncho. 289 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:00,920 Is that what they do in Mexico, 290 00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:02,960 instead of gloves, they use stockings? 291 00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:07,120 In Mexico? I don't know, I haven't been, but I presume... 292 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,120 I thought it was rubbish. 293 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:14,200 There's just no sense of urgency whatsoever. 294 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,960 Tell me the timings, because I think we're going to largely do it 295 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,960 on timings because most of them were impressive outfits. 296 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:23,200 Well, Phil was 45 seconds and then we drop down to five seconds 297 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:27,360 for James, four seconds for Jess, 3.8 for Rhod, 3.6 for Kerry. 298 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,520 Right, I think it's only fair, we have to penalise Rhod to a degree. 299 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,880 No. Because you just took a man's pants off. 300 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:35,640 I'm going to knock him down one place. OK. 301 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:38,200 I think that's fair. So one point to Phil? 302 00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:41,800 One point to Phil, two points to James, three points to Rhod, 303 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,400 four points to Jess and five points to Kerry. 304 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:45,600 There, let it be so. 305 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:47,440 {\an1}APPLAUSE 306 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:48,960 Over the moon! 307 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:53,040 Can we see the first scoreboard of series seven, please, Alex? 308 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:56,360 Well, James had four, but Kerry and Rhod are the leaders on seven! 309 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:00,640 Another task, please, Alex. 310 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:04,200 OK, for this one, we took the kids to the woods for assembly. 311 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,920 Hello, Kerry. Hello. 312 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,880 Hello, Phil. Alex, how are you? Ow! 313 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,160 Be careful of the holly. Yeah. 314 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,320 Hi, James. The goddamn stingers. 315 00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:30,960 There's stinging nettles and there's a frigging hollybush. 316 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:35,080 And thorny branches. Where do you get off? Welcome to the glade. 317 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:41,160 Oh... 318 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,680 Build the highest tower?! 319 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:47,280 You have five minutes from when your first box is assembled. 320 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:51,160 And a maximum time of 20 minutes from now. 321 00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:54,440 SHS SIGHS I hate making boxes. 322 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:58,800 Why? Well, I just know I can't really do it. 323 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,280 {\an1}APPLAUSE 324 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,200 We probably should briefly drill down into your history of 325 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,640 making boxes. It's actually, there's a knack to it. 326 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:13,000 When have you had to do it? Well, work. Yeah. 327 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:16,320 Sometimes, they're like, "Jess, go in the back, make up a box." 328 00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:17,880 What? 329 00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:23,800 When I worked in a hospital, OK? I had to make some boxes there. 330 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:28,320 Oh, God. Go in the back and make the boxes? Well, we used... 331 00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:31,320 Are you sure you were employed at this hospital? 332 00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,560 No... 333 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,880 OK, Phil, I'm going to be the first one to address it. 334 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:44,160 It's the first time we've seen your outfit full-length. Yeah. 335 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:45,760 How are you feeling about it? 336 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:52,120 Well, it's...it's Bruce Lee's Game Of Death outfit. Sure. 337 00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:53,520 And yet, that's not what I see. 338 00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:57,960 I saw a game of death. 339 00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,960 I just wanted to make an homage 340 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:05,560 to one of the greatest Asian entertainers in history, 341 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,840 and also you get to see my dick and halls. Yeah. 342 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:12,840 {\an1}APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 343 00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:14,200 {\an1}WOLF-WHISTLE 344 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:18,360 Uh-oh, break time, good luck. Bye-bye! 345 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:31,080 Hi, watchers, it's part three of this seventh series of Taskmaster. 346 00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:32,760 Alex, what's been going on? 347 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:34,720 Well, Greg, we've had some quick changes, 348 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:36,360 and now they're building towers. 349 00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:37,640 It's basically a creche. 350 00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:42,360 Can I reiterate the rules, is that all right? Yeah, if you want to. 351 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:44,880 Because they have 20 minutes to build a tower, 352 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:49,360 but only five minutes from when they correctly assemble their first box. 353 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,040 Yeah. So they could take the 20 minutes and not make any boxes, 354 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,680 but once you've made a box, you have five minutes from then. Sure. 355 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:56,600 OK? Yes. Thank you, I understand. 356 00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:59,320 OK, we're going to start off with James and Kerry. 357 00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:01,280 Different genders, the same agendas. 358 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,760 One. OK, you've got five minutes from now. 359 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:10,400 There's got to be a build a box and climb a tree and put it in the tree. 360 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:12,480 Can I run up that one? 361 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:14,080 How quick can I run up there? 362 00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:17,480 No, absolutely not. 363 00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:23,360 Yeah, now I can't reach the top. 364 00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:25,000 I could throw it up. 365 00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:28,760 Have we got any rope? 366 00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,080 How do you get the flaps to stay down? 367 00:22:31,120 --> 00:22:33,960 Have you got any sticky tape then? On me? 368 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:39,320 Can you hold the other end of that, please? Thank you, Alex. 369 00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:43,240 370 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:46,480 hoist over a tree 371 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:49,120 for you and for me... 372 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:50,920 No! 373 00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:55,360 You've got five minutes. Oh, shit, that is too high. 374 00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:00,800 No! 375 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:04,640 Get them up! There! 376 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:07,320 There's got to be another way. 377 00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:09,280 I think this is as good as it's going to get. 378 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:10,920 WHISTLE BLOWS Yeah. 379 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,560 What do you want me to do, throw the rope over and then pull the box? 380 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,600 That's what most people do, isn't it? 381 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:18,760 Of course, that's why you make the rope in the first place. 382 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:24,880 You've got 40 seconds. Please! 383 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:27,600 10 seconds, James. 384 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,760 Agh! I stepped on the rope. 385 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:38,000 Stay up there! WHISTLE BLOWS 386 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:41,520 Measure it. 387 00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:43,920 When I blew the whistle, it was on the floor, James. 388 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:47,200 {\an1}APPLAUSE 389 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:49,880 I guess the first thing to do 390 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:51,880 would be for us to establish what a tower is. 391 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:55,680 Yeah, a tower. A tower is a tall, narrow building, either freestanding 392 00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:58,800 or forming part of a building such as a church or a castle. Right. 393 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:02,400 Tall and narrow. Thank you. Kerry. What was he doing? I don't know. 394 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,880 Believe me, we're coming onto that. 395 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:13,600 I think, "Oh, I've got it wrong." No, no, you haven't. Right. 396 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,720 This is my point. OK. 397 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:18,240 My point is, it was the most straightforward approach, 398 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:19,960 you thought, well, I'll make boxes 399 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:22,400 because they will certainly stack on top of each other. 400 00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:25,920 I'm presuming this is your thinking. What else would I have done? 401 00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:27,800 Well, we're coming onto that. 402 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:30,000 And what's wrong with you? 403 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:36,040 I mean, the first thing you tried to do, and I genuinely believe 404 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:38,760 you were trying to do this, is to run up a tree. 405 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,720 Yes. That didn't work, and then you invented gaffer rope. 406 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,920 Now, fair play to you, I enjoyed your song. Yeah! 407 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:49,600 That was off-the-cuff. No way! Yeah, yeah. 408 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:51,760 What were you trying to do? 409 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,560 The box would have made a tower by itself. Right. 410 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:58,120 And then I get it in the tree, and then it's taller than anyone else's 411 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:02,320 towers could have possibly got to, and then that's the tallest tower. 412 00:25:02,360 --> 00:25:04,800 If you were walking through a wood and you saw a box up there, 413 00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:06,640 you'd think, "Oh, look at that tower!" 414 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:10,720 Just like, Rhod, if I saw someone pull their pants down, 415 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:12,320 I wouldn't go, "Nice change." 416 00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:16,400 That is more of a tower than what you did to him. 417 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:20,880 {\an1}APPLAUSE 418 00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:23,400 Who's next? 419 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:27,400 Next up are two giants from the world of phallic nicknames, 420 00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:29,400 it's Rhod and Wang. 421 00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:34,640 I studied engineering at University. What did you get? 422 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:37,440 I completed the degree. 423 00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:40,400 So, I haven't started the clock yet because they're not boxes yet. 424 00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:41,720 No, I realise that. 425 00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,720 Only a fool would assemble their first box quickly. 426 00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:51,640 Is that a box? No, it's not a box because it's... 427 00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:54,640 ..open this side. OK. 428 00:25:54,680 --> 00:26:00,000 What we need is some natural internal scaffolding. 429 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:02,480 NIS? Yes, NIS. 430 00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:07,920 They're definitely not open boxes. No. 431 00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:09,920 Well, an open box is not a complete box. 432 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:11,760 You know how if you open a car door, 433 00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:14,320 it's not technically a car until the door's closed. 434 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:19,480 Oh, just got a bloody big bend in it. 435 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,400 Does that matter if it's got a big bend in it? 436 00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:24,800 Oh. Balls. 437 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:27,520 The NIS is ruining this. 438 00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:28,560 10 minutes left. 439 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:31,320 Aggh! 440 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:34,080 OK. 441 00:26:34,120 --> 00:26:35,640 Oh, no! 442 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:40,320 Ugh. Another go, quick. 443 00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:45,800 Get it in amongst the foliage! In amongst the foliage! 444 00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:48,040 In amongst the foliage! 445 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:53,640 That's all right, that. Pretty tall. Finished? I'm done. 446 00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:58,320 That is self standing tower. 447 00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:03,880 I didn't see the... It's all tape. 448 00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,600 I can smell controversy over this. 449 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:10,200 Rhod's tower was not, it wasn't freestanding. 450 00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:12,160 A tower doesn't need to be freestanding, 451 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:15,040 have you not been listening to the definitions given out by Alex Horne? 452 00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:18,600 So why did you say at the end of your bit, "That's freestanding"? 453 00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:20,480 Just for a laugh. Just for a laugh. 454 00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:23,360 Well, come on, Phil, that was a box. 455 00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:25,800 No, it wasn't. Yeah, that was a box, mate. 456 00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:28,600 You were hoisted by your own car analogy and you know it. 457 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:31,640 That I did for laughs. But... 458 00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:35,360 {\an1}APPLAUSE 459 00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:37,040 Greg, can I say something here? 460 00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:40,080 Because I'm with Phil on this, I don't thing that was a box. 461 00:27:40,120 --> 00:27:42,120 I'm weighing in on your side. Thank you, Rhod. 462 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:43,840 And I don't think that was a tower. 463 00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:48,000 {\an1}APPLAUSE 464 00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:49,360 That's what happens. 465 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,160 And you've been hoisted... All right, Michael Gove. 466 00:27:57,080 --> 00:28:00,240 I mean, an open box is a box, I'm sorry, Phil. 467 00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:02,120 Five minutes after assembling one box, 468 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:04,840 he'd still just assembled one box. So it's the height of a box. 469 00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:07,160 With the flaps open, though, so it's 75 centimetres. 470 00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:09,800 Oh, God, that does seem mean. Wait, what? 471 00:28:11,120 --> 00:28:13,600 After five minutes, you'd only assembled one box, 472 00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:15,960 despite the eventual colossal tower. 473 00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:20,360 Oh, dear. That's what comes of being an absolute tosser. 474 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:23,760 Backstabbing little shit. 475 00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:26,320 Ohh! Oh, dear. 476 00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:31,960 Right, well, Rhod created NIS. Natural internal scaffolding. 477 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:34,480 Something like that. It was faultless. 478 00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:36,880 But, surely, 479 00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:39,640 the professional box builder is absolutely 480 00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:42,040 going to teach us all how to do this. No... 481 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:46,040 I wasn't very good at making boxes in a professional capacity 482 00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:47,960 when required to. 483 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,840 And yet you were repeatedly sent into the back room of a hospital. 484 00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:53,040 Let's see. Here is Jessica Knappett. 485 00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:54,320 Oh, God. 486 00:28:58,280 --> 00:28:59,960 This is the obvious thing to do. 487 00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:03,640 We'll pop that there. 488 00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,600 To sort of give it some stability. 489 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:10,120 No, I'm not. Um... 490 00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:11,880 What would an architect do? 491 00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:13,600 Dig down. We haven't got time. 492 00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:16,520 We've got trees here. 493 00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:18,880 Yes. Durrr! 494 00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:22,520 The problem is getting up there. 495 00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:24,960 I can assist. OK, OK, OK. 496 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:27,720 And then just drop it here. 497 00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:29,120 Watch your feet. 498 00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:30,680 Alex! 499 00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:32,000 It's normally one, two... 500 00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:34,360 ..three. 501 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:36,080 Right. 502 00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,120 This will be a bit taller now. 503 00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:42,320 That's quite high. 504 00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:46,040 I'm leaving it there. I don't care what you say. 505 00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:47,720 {\an1}AUDIENCE GROANS 506 00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:53,360 Four minutes. 507 00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:58,640 So, I am using a box after all. 508 00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:03,360 You've got two minutes and 10 seconds. Right, fine. 509 00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:11,840 Whoa! You've got 15 seconds. 510 00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:13,960 OK, well, that's it for me. 511 00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:15,560 WHISTLE BLOWS Thanks, Jess. 512 00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:17,920 AUDIENCE: Aw! 513 00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:20,640 {\an1}APPLAUSE 514 00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:26,320 I elicited a lot of sympathy there. That is an interesting twist. 515 00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:29,520 Just on that basis alone. Yeah, you did it terribly, and yet... 516 00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:34,080 So bad. Everyone was openly laughing at James and Phil. 517 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:35,920 But just, "Awwww!" for me. 518 00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:37,720 So, Greg, James's was the smallest, 519 00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:39,920 because it was just a box, so he gets one point. 520 00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:42,120 Phil was a box with a flap, so two points. 521 00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,400 Then we have Jess, three points, 522 00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:46,320 Kerry's was just three metres 523 00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:48,040 but that's four points. 524 00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:49,640 Rhod Gilbert had 4.28 metres, 525 00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:51,480 so he wins the task and gets five points. 526 00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:53,320 {\an1}APPLAUSE 527 00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:56,400 Good. Let's have another task. 528 00:30:56,440 --> 00:31:00,000 OK, this one involves one of your favourite pastimes. 529 00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:01,760 It's estimating girth. 530 00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:20,280 Ooh! Hello. 531 00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:21,520 Hi, James. 532 00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:25,040 Don't like the look of this one. 533 00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:30,080 Work out the circumference of the caravan in baked beans. 534 00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:33,560 Work out the circumference of the caravan in baked beans? 535 00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:35,920 You have three minutes. 536 00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:37,920 Most accurate wins. 537 00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:41,200 Your time starts now. 538 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:44,960 Oh, I can't remember what circumference means. 539 00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:48,640 I think it means around it. OK. 540 00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:50,960 {\an1}APPLAUSE 541 00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:55,120 Here we go, then, the circumference of the caravan in beans. 542 00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:56,480 It's obvious, innit? 543 00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:58,920 Only a mad person would actually physically get beans 544 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:00,560 and put them anywhere near that van. 545 00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:03,120 What would you do, Greg? JESS: Yeah, Greg? 546 00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:05,760 I would work out the length of a bean. Oh, you'd measure a bean. 547 00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:08,800 Yeah. Then I'd use a different way of working out the circumference... 548 00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:11,120 Oh, the old different way method! 549 00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:12,720 Oh, I didn't think of that. 550 00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:14,560 You having a nice laugh, are you? 551 00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:18,200 The old different way. Of course. 552 00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:20,080 Do you want to see them? Yeah. 553 00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:23,360 I've grouped James and Kerry together again. Here's why. 554 00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:24,960 Do I just tip this out? 555 00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:26,960 You can do this task however you want. 556 00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:31,520 So, is circumference how many baked beans go right round the caravan? 557 00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:34,760 Is that what you think? 558 00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:37,680 The circumference of the caravan 559 00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:39,600 in how many baked beans for the whole... 560 00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:42,920 Right. 561 00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:49,640 So... 562 00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:53,000 I'm going to see how many baked beans are in there. 563 00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:54,880 Right. 564 00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:57,240 15 are about that. Right. 565 00:32:57,280 --> 00:32:58,840 Sliding now. 566 00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:02,120 It's at least four. 567 00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:06,400 One, two, three, four, five, six... 568 00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:07,880 16. 569 00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:10,600 20. 570 00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:15,160 15 x 50. I'm not very good at maths. You've got one minute. 571 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:18,240 What's 15 x 50? I'm afraid you have to do it yourself, Kerry. 572 00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:22,000 15, whatever 15 x 50 is, is the answer. You've still got 45 seconds. 573 00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:25,320 15 x 50. 10 x 50 is 5,000... 574 00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:30,960 700. 575 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,520 700, 7,000... 576 00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:37,280 It's about 7,050 baked beans. 577 00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:38,840 Or 750. 578 00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:40,920 I'm going to need one of them. It can't be 700. 579 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:46,000 700. Exactly 700 baked beans? Yeah. 580 00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,680 Is that a coincidence, it's such a round number? 581 00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:50,080 That's 15. 582 00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:52,080 It's 750 baked beans. 583 00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:56,160 {\an1}APPLAUSE 584 00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:58,360 How embarrassing. 585 00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:00,240 You're an angry mathematician, aren't you? 586 00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:02,720 Well, I'm not very good at maths so it just makes me cross. 587 00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:05,120 You sounded like a malfunctioning cyborg. 588 00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:10,400 They both came up with very similar answers, 700 and 750. Right. 589 00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:12,800 Can't be coincidence. Got to be in that ballpark. 590 00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:13,920 Got to be in that ballpark. 591 00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:16,760 But hang on, he went, you went right a round the caravan. 592 00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:18,720 I included the garden. OK. 593 00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:21,280 You didn't touch the caravan? No. 594 00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:23,400 Well, what the... 595 00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:24,840 That's the end of part three. 596 00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:26,800 Jessica, Rhod and Phil still to come, 597 00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:29,400 plus one of the competitors will take home loads of stuff 598 00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:32,160 that people want to touch. See you soon. 599 00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:33,880 {\an1}APPLAUSE 600 00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:41,920 {\an1}APPLAUSE 601 00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:45,600 It's part four of Taskmaster, it's series seven of Taskmaster 602 00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:48,560 and it's episode one of Taskmaster, incredible. 603 00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:50,560 Thanks, Greg, that's all great to know. 604 00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:53,640 Before the break, our new and naive cast were trying to guess 605 00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:56,440 the circumference of our caravan in baked beans. 606 00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:59,000 Do you want to see Jess all by herself again? Yeah, I do, please. 607 00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:02,880 Oh, guys! Hey, listen, we've got to isolate the weak ones. 608 00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:05,920 It's what happens in nature. 609 00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:09,480 OK. Plenty of sympathetic awws in the post. 610 00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:10,800 Here we go. 611 00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:12,160 18, 19, 20, 612 00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:14,320 21, 22, 23... 613 00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:16,760 55, 56, 57... 614 00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:18,200 78. 615 00:35:19,240 --> 00:35:24,000 78 x 2 is... 616 00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:26,080 My maths is really bad. 617 00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:29,200 So, it's 156 here. 618 00:35:29,240 --> 00:35:31,720 Times two. 619 00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:33,640 300. 620 00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:36,000 Is that how you do maths? 621 00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:38,080 You've got 27 seconds. 622 00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:42,880 Erm, 6...89. 623 00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:44,640 It's nice to see your working. 624 00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:46,520 Shall I go? Thank you. 625 00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:49,120 {\an1}APPLAUSE 626 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:51,800 Do you always do your workings out in bean juice? 627 00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:54,680 In bean juice, on a window. Yes, please, who needs a calculator? 628 00:35:54,720 --> 00:35:56,480 Yes, please. Not me, not you. 629 00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:58,320 I know it's early days, 630 00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:00,040 but are we the stupidest so far? 631 00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:05,800 {\an1}APPLAUSE 632 00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:07,360 When you say we... 633 00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:12,640 Next up, Philip and Rhodney. Rhodney. 634 00:36:14,240 --> 00:36:15,800 Er, where's the tape measure? 635 00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:22,240 This is ridiculous. 636 00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:23,560 I... 637 00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:26,400 Look, this is utterly ridiculous. 638 00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:28,120 It makes no sense at all. 639 00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:35,960 That's not nearly enough beans in here. 640 00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:37,920 This is just one can. 641 00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:40,680 The circumference of the trailer is four cans of beans. 642 00:36:40,720 --> 00:36:42,520 How many beans are there in a can? 643 00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:46,200 Come on. I thought you might ask this, I really hoped you wouldn't. 644 00:36:46,240 --> 00:36:47,920 The caravan is 500... 645 00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:50,360 Where's the calculator? 646 00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:54,640 I reckon there's about 100 beans a can, so I'm going to say 400 beans. 647 00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:56,040 510 inches. 648 00:36:56,080 --> 00:37:00,160 Circumference of the caravan times 2.5 centimetres equals 1,275. 649 00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:02,560 It's 1,275 baked beans, 650 00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:05,600 if the baked beans are placed lengthways. 651 00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:08,720 If the baked bean is placed sideways on... 652 00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,320 ..you double that. APPLAUSE 653 00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:13,920 Times two, 2,550 baked beans. 654 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:18,240 {\an1}APPLAUSE 655 00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:20,480 I mean, I am fascinated, Phil. Mm-hm. 656 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:24,040 You're a qualified engineer, right? Yeah. 657 00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:25,640 Were you also partly thinking, 658 00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:28,160 "Everyone's going to be so focused on my cock and balls 659 00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:31,560 "they won't actually..."? LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH 660 00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:33,720 You, a very scientific method. 661 00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:36,240 Yeah, I was allowed to use whatever's available in the house. 662 00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:38,800 You have three minutes. Hey, it's a straight compliment. Thank you. 663 00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:41,200 Did you think we were allowed to use calculators when you were 664 00:37:41,240 --> 00:37:43,240 doing bean juice on a window? Of course not! 665 00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:44,480 I was doing sums with my head. 666 00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:46,880 RHOD: You're telling me you didn't use anything from the house 667 00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:49,680 in any of the tasks? I see what you're saying. 668 00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:54,160 JAMES: It is such a bad omen that Rhod is the smart one. 669 00:37:55,640 --> 00:37:58,360 APPLAUSE RHOD: It is. He's got a good point. 670 00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:02,960 Yeah. What is amazing is that Rhod measured the caravan very quickly 671 00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:04,280 but very accurately. 672 00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:06,960 You then measured the baked bean as one centimetre. 673 00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:08,240 Yeah, length. 674 00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:11,040 The main bean is actually 1.3 centimetres. Aw. 675 00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:13,520 We can have a look here on my bathtub. 676 00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:16,600 So there are 76 beans in a metre, which means, Rhod, 677 00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:20,120 that you went way over with 1,275 beans. 678 00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:22,520 I'm so sorry. 679 00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:23,840 You came second to last, 680 00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:25,720 cos you didn't take a mean bean measurement. 681 00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:28,000 That's exactly what happened, exactly what happened. 682 00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:31,120 I think the bean I had was very, very average. 683 00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:33,360 The trouble is, by the time you measured your bean, 684 00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:35,880 it was dry of juice. 685 00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:38,200 And a baked bean is never dry of juice. 686 00:38:38,240 --> 00:38:40,480 So you're saying, are you counting the juice 687 00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:44,120 on the end as a length of a bean? You have to. You have to. 688 00:38:45,240 --> 00:38:47,880 You... I don't even think you believe this, Greg. 689 00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:50,120 You know it, look at your face. Look at your face! 690 00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:52,800 Look at your face. Look at your face. 691 00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:54,800 {\an1}APPLAUSE 692 00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:58,080 What is the bean circumference of the caravan? 693 00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:01,640 The bean circumference of a caravan... 694 00:39:01,680 --> 00:39:05,840 ..is 965 beans. Aw. Lovely. 695 00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:07,680 Which means Phil comes in last, 696 00:39:07,720 --> 00:39:10,840 then Rhod with his 310 overestimate. 697 00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:12,400 Then we have Jess, then James, 698 00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:14,760 then Kerry wins the task. Whoa! 699 00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:18,080 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 700 00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:22,200 Total fluke! RHOD: That is a mockery... 701 00:39:22,240 --> 00:39:25,680 I think that's a mockery of not just this episode or this series, 702 00:39:25,720 --> 00:39:28,480 but the entire show. Oh, Rhod. 703 00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:30,960 Onto the scoreboard before we go on to the final task, please. 704 00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:32,800 Well, it is now between these two. 705 00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:35,280 It's between Kerry and Rhod so it's tasty. Oh, somehow! 706 00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:38,160 Kerry has 16, Rhod has 14. So it's tasty? It's tasty. 707 00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:41,720 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 708 00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:44,640 OK, here we go. For the first time of this series, would you please 709 00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:47,720 make your way to the stage for the final task of the show? 710 00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:50,640 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 711 00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:58,480 You're all winners already. 712 00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:02,080 Who's reading the task, Alex? Kerry has got the task. Kerry. 713 00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:05,160 "Make the best fruit display hat. 714 00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:07,720 "You may not touch or tamper with your hat. 715 00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:11,040 "Only the fruit picker uppers may touch the fruit. 716 00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:14,600 "You may only hold the fruit picker uppers by their handles. 717 00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:17,120 "Best fruit display hat wins. 718 00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:18,960 "You have 100 seconds." 719 00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:22,880 Are there any questions? What questions could there possibly be? 720 00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:24,760 Are they normal seconds or are they sort of 721 00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:26,680 slightly longer than usual ones? 722 00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:29,960 {\an1}APPLAUSE 723 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:31,280 OK, do you all understand? 724 00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:33,440 You may only hold the picker uppers by the handles 725 00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:35,400 and only the picker uppers may touch the street. 726 00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:37,920 You've got 100 seconds, starting... BLOWS WHISTLE 727 00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:40,280 Let's make hats! Shall we collaborate? Yeah. 728 00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:42,640 Do you want to collaborate? Sure. 729 00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:44,400 JESS: That's how you do it. 730 00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:47,960 JAMES: This is broken. It's jammed, it's jammed! 731 00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:50,600 KERRY: Sorry, I'm hooked in to the grapes. 732 00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:51,760 They're not working! 733 00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:55,840 You all right, James? They're not working, they don't work. 734 00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:57,720 James, that's working. That is working. 735 00:40:57,760 --> 00:41:01,520 Yeah... Oh, yeah. That's not working! That's working. Yes. 736 00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:06,000 This is good. You going for the pineapple? This is good. 737 00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:12,360 {\an1}APPLAUSE 738 00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:14,520 Here come the bananas. 739 00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:17,000 This is what we went to university for. 740 00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:20,200 Did you go to uni? Do you think we should...? 741 00:41:20,240 --> 00:41:22,200 In team building. 742 00:41:22,240 --> 00:41:25,200 Get off my fruit, Acaster! 743 00:41:25,240 --> 00:41:27,280 {\an1}CHEERING 744 00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:31,240 Five, four, 745 00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:34,640 three, two, one. BLOWS WHISTLE 746 00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:38,920 Please put your picker uppers down. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 747 00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:42,360 Happy, Greg? I'll have a bit of a think while we bring everyone down 748 00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:44,480 and we'll add it all up and see how it's affected 749 00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:47,280 the whole show, shall we? OK, then. Come on down! 750 00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:50,960 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 751 00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:55,000 Well, this is what I've decided. 752 00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:58,360 People should be awarded according to the luxurious variety 753 00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:01,480 of the fruit on their hat. On their own hat, OK. On their own hats. 754 00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:03,720 So, subsequently... 755 00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:05,880 Oh, come on. 756 00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:10,320 Obviously James crashes into last place, but I'll tell you this. OK. 757 00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:12,760 Seeing him scrabbling around on the floor, 758 00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:15,200 seeing his desperate cries, 759 00:42:15,240 --> 00:42:17,400 there was something heart-warming about that. 760 00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:20,640 Subsequently, I've decided to award you two points, congratulations. 761 00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:22,440 That means a lot, thank you. 762 00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:25,160 {\an1}APPLAUSE 763 00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:27,400 Jess, three points. 764 00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:30,240 Kerry and Phil, joint four points. 765 00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:32,000 I'm basing this on the variety of fruit. 766 00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:34,400 Equal displays. Yes. OK. That's correct. 767 00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:36,240 And Rhod Gilbert, against all odds, 768 00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:38,600 collects five points for the most rich fruit hat. 769 00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:41,240 APPLAUSE Rhod Gilbert wins the task. 770 00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:43,280 OK, which means... Final scores. Yeah. 771 00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:46,320 Well, they've all reached double figures, some more than others. 772 00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:50,360 James has 11, but in the lead, Rhod has 19, 773 00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:53,480 Kerry has 20! What?! No! 774 00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:57,120 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 775 00:42:57,160 --> 00:43:00,960 Kerry Godliman has won the first episode of the series. 776 00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,840 Go and touch your untouchable things. Yes! 777 00:43:03,880 --> 00:43:06,560 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 778 00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:07,800 What have we learned today? 779 00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:10,240 We've learned that if you're looking to build your own home, 780 00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:11,560 don't take advice from James. 781 00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:13,960 Or Jessica, or Kerry, or Phil, or Rhod. 782 00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:15,640 Don't take advice from any of them. 783 00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:19,080 But most importantly, Kerry Godliman is the winner of the first show. 784 00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:21,000 What an impressive human being she is. 785 00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:23,480 Thank you for watching, we'll see you next time. 786 00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:26,280 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 787 00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:49,080 Subtitles by Red Bee Media